We all know as adults that life can sometimes get in the way of the things that help the relationships survive. We sometimes forget how to be friends after we have been with someone for so long. It is good to get comfortable and secure with someone, but we can’t forget what made us fall in love in the first place.
As someone with a lot of friends with kids, I know that it can get tiring to put forth the effort into the relationship/marriage. By the end of the day you moms and dads are tired, stressed, and just want to relax. Well as parents you can do just that by doing the little things to make a moment special between you and your significant other. The little things in relationships are what should matter. Materialistic things are nice but they pale in comparison to the happiness you can achieve taking care of each other. . Remember do not allow kids, your job, hobbies, etc. to put a dent or hold on your relationship.
As you are reading you may be wondering just how this writer can simply say it’s so easy to “remember the little things” and how to “light up” a relationship. Well it can be done and here are 10 ways to help you maybe light up your relationship, even if you feel kids and life has become simply too much.
- TOUCH. As a couple, we sometimes forget that touching one another is one main way to keep attraction and love alive. As women and men, if we aren’t touched regularly we will start to believe something is wrong with us or that our significant other just doesn’t want to be with or around us anymore. The days become long and stressful after 8 hours of work and then going home to handle kids, do baseball games, etc. It’s important to find 2 seconds to regularly touch one another. We can do things such as; hold hands in the car, hug each other as soon as you see each other, kiss each other goodnight every night, grab each other’s ass while walking by, or just touching your significant other’s body with a wisp slide. Touching one another can help reassure the other that you are still attracted Touch is sensual and something we all need, not just in relationships with significant others.
- OFFER TO HELP. As we enter a relationship, we have to remember that it is a partnership and it takes more than one to make it go round. Sometimes we do not always want to come home and start cleaning, cooking, or even taking care of the kids.. If you see that your partner has had a long day, see if you can help do them do some of their chores and take some of the weight off. When kids are involved, it can begin to get even more difficult to stay motivated to do anything but what we want. I have seen firsthand how after having a kid one of the partners give up and leave all housing and child responsibilities to the other. This is not how it should be, it should be a mutual partnership. Offer to help clean the house and let the other go out for the day or simply just do what you think is needed to give some slack to the other. Never let you significant other do anything alone. If they are doing laundry help fold. If they are mowing the yard bring them water and see if there’s anything you can do. If you find yourself sitting on your butt while they are choring in any capacity don’t for get to say, “Is there anything I can do to help. “If you feel the need to not help or you feel that you don’t understand why the other person gets mad when you do not help, then you need to step back and reevaluate your life. Be present, be motivated, and offer the help where needed, even if it’s emotional help.
- SETUP A ROMANTIC DINNER. When we think of dinner after kids or marriage, we probably think of take-out, frozen meals, or quick throw it together 10 minute meal. We sometimes lose the motivation we once had to put together a romantic dinner in the comfort of our home. Think back to when we first started dating our significant other, we would try our best to make a perfect dinner or date night for each other. After we have been together years, we forget sometimes to continue to do this for each other. Next time you go to set a date for you and your significant other, maybe light some candles, turn the light down, turn on some music you both enjoy, and cook a meal you don’t normally cook as an everyday meal. Want to spice it up? Let them know that you will be surprising them that evening but do not tell them how. Curiosity is what makes the meal so worthwhile.
- INTIMACY NOT JUST FOR THE BEDROOM. People assume that bedrooms are the only place for sex. However, that is not entirely true. One thing that will start to diminish in a relationship is the intimacy between each other. Don’t limit yourselves to just the bedroom! If you are the type of couple that [prefers] to be behind the comfort of your home only during sex, then relocate to the living room on the couch, the bar stool in the kitchen, the dining room table, etc. Your home allows for plenty of space to have sex other than your bedroom. For those who are a little more spontaneous and like the thrill of possibly being caught, try having sex outside on a hiking trip, in your car behind a store or movies, in the bathroom at the restaurant you decided to dine at, etc. Though I don’t endorse it…It can be thrilling and fun to have sex in public when you think you might get caught. It allows for a story to tell (if you want), a memory to last forever, and a chance to have fun again in bed with your partner.
- COMMUNICATION IS KEY. Before we ever jump into a relationship, we might have heard once or twice that communication is one of the main keys to a strong relationship. We should always talk to each other, even if it’s about how your day at work went. Never forget that communication can combat anger, stress, frustration, and loneliness that we might have towards one another. If we get mad with the other person be sure to explain what you are angry about and why. The outcome might not always be what you wanted, but the fact you have communicated that to each other will make you feel more confident about talking. We all know that when you become a parent life can start to get stressful and sometimes your anger can come out on your kids. Talking about anything and everything is a good thing and helps each other understand what the other person wants or needs. Being silent will do nothing but cause unwanted resentment that you don’t want to have in your relationship.
- HAVE FUN AWAY. Remember love is not spending every waking moment together. Having space or time to ourselves is a good thing. It doesn’t mean that the other person doesn’t want to be around you when they ask for a night out or time alone. Allowing each other time to hang out with the girls or the guys is a form of trust. Understanding that we trust each other and that we understand that there is a difference between friend relationship and love relationship. Being with someone 7 days a week, all day can be tiring and stressful, and we have to allow each other time away. You can set limits as a couple if you both think that is necessary. If possible never tell each other you cannot go out with their friends/family. Maybe even encourage each other when we notice the other person has been frustrated or off key. Offer to even be their DD if they tell you that they and their friends are hitting the bar for the night. Furthermore, remember that we need friend time to gossip and relate to on a different level. TRUST!!!
- LEAVE TECHNOLOGY BEHIND. One main issue in relationships today is technology; or more specifically…cell phones. Cell phones take our attention away from everything now days, , do not allow your phone, laptop, etc. to take your attention away from your significant other. If we have learned anything through the years about technology is that it will take all our attention away from real life. So put your phone away while chatting with your significant other, don’t take your phone out at dinner or on a date, and definitely do not choose to use your phone during serious conversations with your significant other or other people. Cell phones like so many things these days is an escape. Instead of escaping into your phone try escaping with your significant other.
- GET AWAY FROM THE HOUSE. As couples, we sometimes become homebodies after we have been together so long. We start to never leave the house to do anything unless it’s to grocery shop or pay bills. One way to get away from your house is going just outside in your yard. Just don’t stay cooped up inside. Go to your local garden store and get something to plant in your yard or maybe just get weed killer to get weeds out of your yard. Do it together. Something else you could do is just go play some pool, darts, or go to the movies. There are so many things you can do together away from the house together. If you are not wanting to spend a lot of money than just for a hike or walk together, maybe take your pets with you.
- DON’T FALL ASLEEP MAD. One of the OLDEST sayings that have been passed down through generations is, “Never Go To Sleep Mad.” There is a reason for that, and it has a lot to do with that possibly being the last thing you will share with that person before you die. Always try to talk it out enough to not be mad before bed. Plus, do you really want to go to bed mad and possibly causing yourself nightmares or the chance of waking up the next day in a horrible mood? So next time you think you are going to go to bed mad with your significant other, stop what you are doing and get it off your mind. Being mad will only bring resentment and animosity to your relationship. Every day won’t be perfect. You will fight and you will get mad at each other. If you don’t squash that in the moment you let if fester and leak into another day and then possibly another and another.
- PICK EACH OTHER UP. No, not literally. Like at a bar. Sometimes taking a step back in time to have some fun with each other is a good thing. Have you ever thought about how you picked up your significant other or how they picked you up? Well maybe the next time you both have free time and/or a babysitter if you have kids, go out but go out separately and meet up at the same place. Meet each other all over again, while also trying to convince the other to go home with you. It’s a fun exercise that is good for self-esteem and couple building. You have to remember how to flirt again with each other and remember why you began the journey in the first place. So go out there, plan a night, and pick your significant other up as if you are meeting for the first time.
The Miles in Motion 